Jon Voight’s 6th Grade Views

I really don’t mean to keep doing this, fisking stuff from the right-wing crazies. Heck, I left this one alone at the time:

In the last 20 years, we were lectured constantly about “post-industrial” America.

Experts proclaimed that the United States had evolved into an “information society” of “high-tech jobs.”

I love those quotes, like Dr. Evil talking about a “laser.” But, hey, you know what? I let it go by. I didn’t say anything. I left it alone.

But today, this Jon Voight essay in the Washington Times is just too, too rich.

We, as parents, are well aware of the importance of our teachers who teach and program our children. We also know how important it is for our children to play with good-thinking children growing up.

How awesome is that? Good-thinking children. And teachers not only teach, but they program as well?

We cannot say we are not affected by teachers who are militant and angry. We know too well that we become like them …

You know, because apparently we’ve all had teachers who are militant and angry. How else would we know, all too well even, that we become like them? Um, except that then, somewhere, Jon Voight became unlike them.

The Democratic Party, in its quest for power, has managed a propaganda campaign with subliminal messages, creating a God-like figure in a man who falls short in every way.

Can it really be both, propaganda and subliminal? How does that work? And he’s both God-like and falling short? What the hell is that?

The Democrats have targeted young people, knowing how easy it is to bring forth whatever is needed to program their minds.

Again with the programming. And apparently it’s easy. This bringing forth, however, is a little creepy.

Those same leaders who were in the streets in the ’60s are very powerful today in their work to bring down the Iraq war and to attack our president …

I thought my favorite new phrase of all time was going to be good-thinking children, but bring down the Iraq war is charming me a whole heck of a lot. Where is it up, that it needs to be brought down?

Thank God, today, we have a strong generation of young soldiers who know exactly who they are and what they must do to protect our freedom and our democracy … Our soldiers are lifting us to an example of patriotism at a time when we’ve almost forgotten who we are and what is at stake.

Again, all sorts of awesome. Soldiers who know exactly who they are. Remember how bad it was, when we had those soldiers who didn’t know who they were? And again with the strange movement of things, this time not bringing down, like the earlier paragraph. Rather, lifting us to an example of patriotism. Not simply demonstrating patriotism, or embodying patriotism. No, nothing so mundane. Actually lifting us to an example of it. Lifting us.

[T]here’s not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world, and from Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb.

I’m actually getting a little queasy, thinking about all the cells in Jon Voight’s body. But wasn’t he terrific in that episode of Seinfeld, when he bit Kramer?

[T]he Obama camp has sent out people to attack the greatness of Sen. John McCain, whose suffering and courage in a Hanoi prison camp is an American legend.

This actually reminds me of the wonderfully tacky gravestone at Graceland, where it reminds us that Elvis was a living legend in his own time. I guess it must be the suffering in Hanoi becoming the American legend.

Gen. Wesley Clark, who himself has shame upon him, having been relieved of his command, has done their bidding and become a lying fool in his need to demean a fellow soldier and a true hero.

Now it’s starting to sound like the charmingly bad stuff issued by the North Korean Central News Agency. Stuff like this, denouncing a particular group’s rowdyism.

Lee Myung Bak Group’s Rowdyism Assailed

Pyongyang, July 27 (KCNA) — The South Headquarters of the National Alliance for the Country’s Reunification on July 23 issued a statement denouncing the traitor Lee Myung Bak group for appointing an anti-reunification conservative element as “ambassador for human rights”.

Finally, Voight wraps it up. Strong closing? Let’s see:

This is a perilous time, and more than ever, the world needs a united and strong America. If, God forbid, we live to see Mr. Obama president, we will live through a socialist era that America has not seen before, and our country will be weakened in every way.

Yes! He sticks the landing, ladies and gentlemen. A perfect ten! Second only to the wisdom of Van Halen’s Why Can’t This Be Love, when Sammy sings, “Only time will tell if we pass the test of time,” JonĀ  Voight gives us this sage nugget of tautology: If we live to see it, we will live through something that we’ve never seen before.

I tip my hat to you, sir, Mr. Jon Voight. Well played, indeed.